By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
In my last
Fractured Fairy Tale, Jimmy Carter and
George H. W. Bush were talking about lying
presidents, especially Bill Clinton and Barack
Obama. Eventually, the conversation got around to
the phony social security number Obama is using.
Bush: Did you say Vladimir Putin is gonna blow the
lid off the Harrison J. Bounel scandal? Isn’t Bounel
the dead guy from Connecticut whose social security
number Oh-Bummer’s been using for years and years?
Carter: That’s what my contacts in Russia tell me.
Putin can’t stand Oh-Bummer. He wants to humiliate
him. The fastest way is to get him impeached,
convicted, removed from office, and thrown in jail.
Russia wants him out of the way so that Clueless Joe
Biden can become president. Joe was so stupid as a
kid that his parents actually gave him a two-piece
puzzle for Christmas. That was all he could handle!
He couldn’t even put together a
three-piece puzzle! Putin knows he can pull the wool over
that idiot Biden’s eyes.
Bush: Sure,
anybody can. Even you! (Long pause) But
what do you mean, you have contacts in Russia? I
thought all you did these days was get treated for
your hemorrhoids and help build houses for Habitat
for Humanity.
Carter: I’m just following in the footsteps of the
Master Carpenter, Our Lord. And I like to keep busy.
You’d be surprised how much I know and how many
contacts I have. They’re all over the place. For
instance, my contacts in the White House told me
that Brigadier General Jeffrey Sinclair resigned
from the Army just in time last week. He got off
with a $20,000 fine and no jail time after sexually
assaulting a lot of women.
Bush: What do you mean, just in time?
Carter: He resigned just before Eric Holder could
raise the most serious charge of all—long sideburns!
Against Army regulations!
Bush thinks to himself, “Jimmy really likes to stay
on top of things. His wife Rosalyn told me she
wishes he wasn’t valedictorian of his high school
class back in Plains, Georgia. That gave him a big
head—he thought he was smarter than anybody else in
the world, so he became the world’s biggest
micro-manager, even overseeing the White House
tennis courts schedule. But there were only 16
students in his high school graduating class. Being
valedictorian in a class of 1,000 means you’re
smart. Valedictorian in a class of 16 out in the
sticks…well…”
Finally, Bush snaps out of his thoughts and asks
Carter, “So what did Putin tell you about
Oh-Bummer’s phony social security number?”
Carter: Well, Putin’s playing it smart. He’s not
showing his hand. He’s using a woman in southern
California. She’s originally from Russia, and she’s
both a dentist and attorney. Her name is Orly
something or other. She’s been filing a lot of
lawsuits over the last few years, trying to show
that Oh-Bummer is using Harry Bounel’s social
security number, 042-68-4425.
Bush: So the dude is using some dead guy’s social
security number. To quote Horrible Hillary Clinton,
“What difference does it make?”
Carter: Well, you need to have a birth certificate
to get a social security card from the Social
Security office. Oh-Bummer didn’t have a card, and
he needed one in 1977.
Bush: Why did he need a card back in 1977?
Carter: He was a pimply-faced 16 years old punk that
summer. He needed money for crack and weed. And so
he applied for a summer job at the Baskin-Robbins
ice cream store on 1618 South King Street in
Honolulu. They told him, “Show us your social
security card first.” He didn’t have one.
Bush: Why didn’t he have a social security card?
Carter: Well, if you weren’t born in the US, you
need at least 2 original documents which prove your
identity, age,
and work-authorized immigration status.
That last form comes only from the Immigration
people. It used to be called the INS. Now, I think
it’s called CIS—Citizenship and Immigration
Services, or something like that.
Bush: You’re so full of dull details. Let’s get back
to the juicy stuff.
Carter: OK. So, anyway, Oh-Bummer was really born in
Kenya and didn’t have a Hawaii birth certificate.
Bush: Hey, Jimmy, I read somewhere that he
did
have a Hawaii birth certificate.
Carter: Well, in 2011, the state Director of Health,
a gal named Loretta Fuddy,
did
certify that she witnessed the copying of what she
called Oh-Bummer’s “original” Hawaii birth
certificate.
Bush: But wasn’t the “original” birth certificate a
forgery in the first place?
Carter: Yeah, it probably was. Oh-Bummer posted his
“original” birth certificate on the White House
website on April 27, 2011. That’s the one he got
from Loretta Fuddy. Two experts on forgery, Douglas
Vogt and Paul Ivey, said the birth certificate was
forged—in 20 places. They filed an affidavit about
it in October 2013. But Fuddy wasn’t able to testify
in court about it.
Bush: Why not?
Carter: Because less than two months later, she died
in a plane crash in Hawaii. The other 8 people on
the small plane survived.
Bush: Very mysterious, huh? Just like Andrew
Brietbart’s heart attack on March 1, 2012. He was
only 43. It was the night before he was going to
release some kind of evidence about Obama, and…
Carter, interrupting: What do
you
think, George?
Note to readers:
How mysterious
was it? Find out tomorrow. Read the
conclusion to this three-part fractured fairy tale
in tomorrow’s Stupid Frogs. Yes, the fairy tale will
conclude, but the Oh-Bummer scandals will keep going
on and on and on…
Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Jay Levinson recently passed away. He specifically chose Don to be his final co-author—the person most qualified to carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into the 21st century. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.