Obama and the Whole Gang Head Back to Washington—Yet
Another Fractured Fairy Tale
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
In
my last two fractured fairy tales, Obama, his
speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn, and eight politicians
went to a fund-raiser in San Francisco. Obama and
Penn went to several gay bars in the Castro
district, while the others went to Trax and Butter,
two pick-up bars—and to Victoria’s Secret. Here’s
what happened on the plane trip back to Washington:
Florida congressman Trey Radel feels the others are
ganging up on him, since he’s the only Republican on
the plane—except for the pilots and the flight
attendants. He thinks the best defense is a good
offense, so he starts attacking ObamaScare.
Radel: ObamaScare is bad.
Ida, the
flight attendant: How bad
is
it?
Radel: It’s so bad that my 14-year old dog, Baxter,
received a letter from the health insurance exchange
saying that Baxter had successfully enrolled in
ObamaScare. But I can’t get enrolled!
Rob
Ford, the crack-smoking Toronto mayor: Is that
really true? If it is, your health care system is
even worse than our system in Canada.
Radel:
No, this really didn’t happen to me. But it
did
happen to a guy in Colorado. I think his name is
Shane Smith.
Obama: Hey, I hear you guys followed Bill Clinton’s
suggestion and went to the Victoria’s Secret store
on Union Square after Kal and I went to the Castro
District, where the best gay bars are. Did you guys
have any luck there?
John
Edwards: Clinton’s idea sucked! His only pick-up
line didn’t work.
Kal:
What was his line?
Edwards: What’s your secret?
Clinton:
You guys didn’t stick around long enough to learn my
real secret technique for pleasing the ladies.
Both
Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner shouted at the same
time: So what’s your secret?
Clinton: Nibbling on the knee.
Bob
“The Groper” Filner, the former San Diego mayor:
Gee, I never thought of that. Does it really work?
Clinton: Sure does! Even Monica liked it!
Rob
Ford, the crack-smoking Toronto mayor: Monica who?
Weiner: Nibbling on the knee sounds like a winner.
How did you learn about it?
Clinton: Well, it was way back in 1979. A guy named
Don Hendon told me about it.
Spitzer: Who’s Don Hendon?
Clinton: I’ll never forget that guy. He’s the only
person who ever kicked me in the balls. He was a
marketing professor at Arkansas State University
when I was governor. I was banging a sexy Filipina,
Maria Luisa something or other. I hired her to be
the head of the state Economic Development
department. Don Hendon did a lot of consulting in
Asia and had a lot of contacts there. He was trying
to sell her his consulting services. He had a really
sexy wife, Rebecca. She was a Filipina, too.
Weiner: So how did he kick you in the balls?
Clinton: I walked into Maria Luisa’s office and
started talking to all of them. Don had to go to the
bathroom, and I started flirting with his sexy wife.
I didn’t see him coming back in, and I had my hand
on his wife’s ass. He yelled, “Get your hands off my
wife’s ass, you son of a bitch,” and then kicked me
in the balls.
Weiner: Then what happened?
Clinton: I didn’t want to have him arrested because
that would make me look bad. So I tried to calm him
down by flattering him. I asked him, “How did you
get that sexy Filipina to marry you? And, more
important, how do you stay married?” And that’s when
he told me his secret—nibbling on her knee. It
worked for him, and it’s worked for me for many,
many years.
Obama: Will it work on guys, too?
Clinton: Don’t know. I never tried it on guys.
Kal:
Try it on me sometime, Bill.
Clinton: Don’t make me laugh!
Spitzer: Hey, speaking of laughing, let’s tell some
Obama jokes.
Edwards: Here’s one: They say Obama’s arrogant. How
arrogant is he? He’s so arrogant that when you enter
the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind
kissing his ring, but he keeps it in his back
pocket.
Ford: Here’s another one—I can tell it, because I’m
a Canadian: Obama just completed The Unholy and
Anti-American Trifecta: The first president in 110
years to miss the annual Army-Navy football game.
The first president to not attend any Christmas
religious observance. The first president to go on
vacation the day after a terrorist attack. And all
in the same month! What a great Muslim president!
Obama: I don’t like that joke.
Ford: Don’t blame me—I got it from Don Rickles!
Dear
readers, you’ve just finished another Trifecta.
Three fractured fairy tales that began with Bill
Gates’ condom contest, a trip with Obama and nine
“friends” to San Francisco, and ended on a plane
back to Washington. Hope you enjoyed them. That wild
and crazy Obama’s antics never fail to inspire me,
so watch for more Fractured Fairy Tales in the near
future.
Dr.
Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of 12 books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson), and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free
online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
www.GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be
available.