Obama Kills Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion in Kenya…and a Lot of Other Animals
By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
That lovable couple, Barry and Michelle, were
watching TV. Barry was bored watching reruns of
Black-ish.
He starts looking through CDs of old TV shows. After
10 minutes, Michelle asks him: What are you looking
for?
Barry: Reruns of the Bill Cosby Show.
Michelle: I threw all those out. It’s not
politically correct to watch Cosby anymore.
Barry: I don’t care. Cosby will always be my hero.
Michelle gets up, rummages through the CDs and pulls
out a CD of the TV series
Daktari,
which ran on CBS in 1966-1969. She says: Why don’t
you watch this instead? It is set in Kenya, near
Mombassa, where you were born in 1961—just before
the series started.
Barry: Shhhh. Don’t let anybody hear you. I think
the CIA has bugged our bedroom.
Michelle: You liked this show. It had Clarence the
Cross-Eyed Lion, Judy the Chimp, and a lot of
outdoor scenery. And it was filmed in Africa. Let’s
watch it and see if you recognize any places in the
land of your birth.
Barry: Not the
real Africa. It was filmed in Africa
USA,
an animal park in Acton, California, near Palmdale.
Michelle: How do you know that?
Barry: I’m the President of all 57 states. I know
everything.
Michelle: You just know what the CIA and the NSA
wants
you to know. Tell me this, smart guy. You’re from
Kenya—what does
Daktari
mean?
Barry: That’s easy. It’s the Swahili word for
“doctor.”
Michelle: Yeah, I forgot—you speak fluent Swahili.
You learned it in Kenya when you were a baby. By the
way, did
you ever do any lion-hunting in Africa?
Barry: Yeah, I did. It was one of those long
weekends I took by myself earlier this year. I told
you I was going to Camp David, but I went on safari
in Kenya instead. And I also went on safari in
Australia.
Michelle: What did you hunt down under?
Barry: I hunted koalas and kangaroos. Koalas were
easy to shoot. They just hung around in the trees,
high on eucalyptus leaves. Kangaroos were hard to
shoot—they kept jumping around.
Michelle: Well, I’m glad the CIA hushed it up so
well. Remember what happened to that dentist, Walter
Palmer. He went on safari in Kenya and killed an old
lion named Cecil. The hunting party lured the lion
out of the Hwange National Park, and Palmer killed
him with crossbows, then skinned and beheaded him.
The media is raising hell about it. Even the Empire
State Building put up a video of Cecil the Lion on
the side of the building on August 1.
Michelle: Yeah, it reminded me of the gay rainbow
you put on the White House on June 27, the day after
the Supreme Court upheld gay marriage. That reminds
me, why didn’t you put red, white, and blue lights
on the White House on July 4?
Barry just smiled. Michelle smiled back, knowingly.
All of a sudden, there’s a knock on the door. A
voice yells, “Hey, Barry, let me in. Big news.”
Barry recognizes Valerie Jarrett’s voice. He opens
the door.
Valerie: There’s trouble, right here in River City.
With a capital T, and that rhymes with B, and that
stands for Blackmail and Bribery. .
Michelle: I don’t understand.
Valerie: Wayne Allyn Root’s latest column came out.
He said “Many key Republicans are being
blackmailed…the NSA, SEC, IRS, and all the other
3-letter government agencies are watching every
Republican leader. They know everything.”
Barry: So what? I’m glad I have my people in control
of the National Security Agency, the Security and
Exchange Commission, and the IRS. The Republicans
will never impeach me—I know too much about them,
and they know I know it. They know I’ll blackmail
them if they try to do to me what they did to Bill
Clinton when he had that affair with Monica.
Valerie frowns and continues: Well, that senile
Jimmy Carter got back into the headlines. He said
that “unlimited political bribery” subverts the
nation.
Barry: Subverts the nation in
my
favor, thank goodness. I’m glad I have rich groupies
like Warren Buffet. He does what I tell him to do.
So do my other major contributors—Bill Gates,
Jeffrey Katzenberg, Marc Lasry, Marc Benioff, James
Crown, Tom Streyer, Julian Robinson, and Penny
Pritzker.
Michelle: Let’s get back to Kenya. How many lions
did you kill when you were on safari there earlier
this year?
Barry: Around a dozen or two. Can’t remember. I
named one of the lions I killed Clarence. I named
him that because he was cross-eyed. Just like that
1965 movie,
Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion. I always
liked that movie. By the way, the TV series
Daktari was based on the movie. Hey, Michelle and Valerie,
let’s go down to the underground living quarters. I
wanna show you something.
The three partners in crime go downstairs. They all
get into an old-fashioned pay phone booth. Barry
puts in a quarter. They fall into the sub-basement,
just like Maxwell Smart Hanging on the wall are 12
lion heads, 16 stuffed kangaroos, and 9 stuffed
koala bears.
In the next Stupid Frogs, Obama dreams about the
kangaroos and koala bears he shot while on safari in
Australia.
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of 14 books, including
Fractured
Fairy Tales, published last year by Spectrum
Books. Look for it on Amazon.com and Barnes &
Noble—and at other book stores. He’s also written
several business books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365
Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them.